17/8/2014
A Small family of four
sitting on the ground on their chappals and enjoying choco-bar, a dusky man
selling key chains of cliché variety, girls in dark pompous red colored dresses
and with huge ugly hair puff making their way through the heavy crowd, the
eager eyes through which the person sitting on the ticket window of a huge ride
was witnessing the ‘Bhaji-cone’ being sold exactly opposite to him,further
there was a balloon wali bai standing
on the sideways with halcyon face I just wanted to go there and tell her ‘You
know what, I had a chapter on a balloon seller in my school. Since then I
wanted to talk to you. Nice meeting you!’ but that wish evaporated as soon as
my eyes fall on the ‘Magic Shop’ and there comes a memory flying from my past I
was so crazy to buy those small toys which made me feel ‘Janvi is a magician!’ Since childhood, something which makes reality
looks less real has always been favorite!
Rides.Noice.Shopping.Crowd.Music.Food.Family…Picture perfect
nai!?
‘Hello,check, Music ‘Chipkale bhaiya fevicol se..!’ , Mike
testing ,hello. To aayiye, dekhiye Raju
batayega kon hai sabse kaamchor, Kon jayega videsh, Ticket Rupiya 20, Music
‘Mere photo ko sine se yaar…’ my ears soothe as I hear this announcement of the
‘Dockey Raju’s show’ wherein a smart donkey stands amongst the crowd of donkey
like people and earns money! It was during the last year’s fair when this
‘Raju’ came and stood near me while the question was asked ‘Who amongst them
have a bright future?’ I had a sense of relief knowing that atleast this donkey
(Oops! Call him Raju!) trusts me! Since then I am fond of him..
I was crossing the crowd and while I was passing by a bunch
of boys, a boy touched me on my backside. And I SAW HIM. I still pretended as
if nothing had happened. As if all was perfect. I took few steps forward and
wished a hero to suddenly come out of nowhere and say ‘ Teri Himmat kese hue
meri Janvi ko hath lagane ki? Followed with a bit of ‘Dhishum-dhishum’ but
nothing happened. No one came except a memory …a dark memory..
*
It was a regular summer midnight. Ticking of an old pendulum
clock, sound of that slow working Ajanta fan and the flipping of a newspaper
placed on the Television stand were the only sounds I could hear that night but
the thing that suddenly alarmed all my senses was a hand, a hand which was on
my private body part, below my waist.
10 year, probably that was my age that day when my parents left
me at my cousin’s home as they had to go out station for some inevitable
reasons. I, my cousin GUMNAAM (Name changed) and then his real sister
were sleeping in the drawing room. It was during that night that he touched me…
Me, my shawl and on it was his hand…Alas! An ugly, odious touch that was!
Through the dim light of a small bulb in the room I could see that Ravi’s eyes
were open but he didn’t even bother to look at me. Such a scamp! My body
shivered and he took his hand away. S What was all that!?
At 10 years of age I
had no words in my dictionary to describe that ghastly feeling. But the only
question that haunted me was: ‘I and Ravi have played together, he is my 5
years elder cousin, he is the one who needs to protect me and what was he doing
instead!??’
After that, I locked that memory into the deepest corner of
my heart and never even had any grudges for my cousin. Till date this incident
was under sleeping somewhere inside me but it was destined to come out someday…
*
I again gave him a slap. These time a tighter one. My
resolute eyes turned broad and I was looking straight into his eyes. Further,
he stood still he didn’t offer me a slap back to do the ‘Hisab barabar’ . You
know what; those few seconds when he stood still were the moments I earned for
myself. My eyes turned a bit teary not because my left cheek had turned red.
But because I relieved myself from the past regret that ‘My cousin harassed me
and I didn’t do anything to protect myself.’
That day I learned that in real life no Sunny Deol will come
with a ‘Hathoda like hath’ to protect me, no Varun Dhawan will ever arrive
saying ‘Main tera Hero’ it’s always ‘I’ who needs to protect ‘ME’….that day I proved
‘Main mera Hero!’
Cool.Nice.Fine.
But there was a cranky story ahead….
‘Janu, why did you hit that boy?’ My dad asked.
‘Dad, he touched me!’ I say embarrassingly.
‘Touched you, where?’
I kept silent thinking whether it was a question to be
answered to my dad. ‘Dad, he just touched me and I slapped him. That’s it!’
‘Beta, there was no need to create such a display, we could
have sorted it out in a better manner. And just look at yourself a fragile
skeleton…you live alone in the city and if you do such things there…they may
even rape.
.’
‘So now this daddy’s girl has grown up! Beta proud of you!’
this is what I was expecting. And see what happened instead.
‘ So dad what should I
do …if a boy comes and touches me I should tell him …Oh hello Mr. I know you
are the one who harassed me but I won’t tell you anything as I am scared of
being raped by you, further!?’ This is what I wanted to answer back. But I didn’t
reply I just kept silent as in my heart of hearts I knew I didn’t do anything
wrong.
The fair and the fun ceased to matter anymore. My heart was
bubbling with ‘n’ number of unanswered questions only when my mom came from
behind with a ‘bravo!’ expression saying ‘Whatever you did was very correct. I
didn’t know my immature daughter is so courageous!‘
With this I and my mom dissolved into a sound smile.
I rubbed my tear stains from my talcum powdered face. And
leaving the regrets, leaving the unanswered questions behind…I moved forward
with the belief ‘Main mere hero!’
*************************************************************************
P.S. : Neither This
post was an attempt to take revenge
towards my elder cousin as I have forgiven him long back nor it comes with an implied message that
‘All men are bastards!’ or ‘Let’s be feminist’ . I seriously don’t buy that
idea! The crux is: Next time you press the ‘SOS’ button for help make sure you
are calling someone who lives within YOU!
No comments:
Post a Comment